Stalker

There is a big tomcat

That follows me home,

With fur that sticks sideways

And needs a good comb.

He's rake thin and ginger,

And missing an ear,

And there isn't a sign

Of a tail on his rear.

He does try his hardest

When he's purring at you,

But he sounds like a spitfire

From nineteen-oh-two.

His general antics would

Have me in cahoots,

Were it not for the cat hairs

He leaves on my boots.

So I wish I could say

That he makes me smile.

That his roguish attentions

Make it worthwhile.

My shooings and booings

And loud scary hisses

Have less impact than if

I were blowing him kisses.

There is a big tomcat

That follows me home,

And I flippin' well wish

He would leave me alone!

~

*sigh* True story, unfortunately. Big orange blob which can only loosely be called a cat. Anyone got ideas for getting him to go away (short of loaning me a bazuka?)